The ants have returned. We've been dealing with a few individual ants here and there for several weeks now. Lately their numbers have been increasing. These are some hard-hearted bastards to wait two-plus years for their revenge. I've been toying with them for a while now, but it has come time to call in some reenforcements. The exterminators will have to handle this problem for me. Fucking ants.
I woke up this morning feeling Broken. The Downward Spiral that was last night is a foggy and Fragile memory. Looking at myself in the mirror I see a Pretty Hate Machine, and decide that I need to straighten my hair a bit. The comb With Teeth doesn't do much good. Heading downstairs I see four apparitions before me, I name them Ghosts I-IV, then try to give them the Slip. I'm thinking that I should just start over, a new Year Zero. Perhaps before I do, I should trim my Nine Inch Nails.
I got a touch bit carried away at my friend's wedding reception (he's the one in the middle at the end of the video). My brother's girlfriend caught the moment on camera and I thought I'd share with the rest of you.
Update: I thought I uploaded the video directly, but I guess it's not working out that way, here's the link to youtube:
When I was a kid I always thought that CCR's "Who'll Stop the Rain" was actually "Who'll Stop Lorraine?" I imagined it was about a serial killer chick that was just crazy. Turns out, that's not the song. Here are the lyrics I would want in a tribute to a psycho-killer Lorraine:
Long as I remember Lorraine's been choppin' down. Clouds of misery pouring blood on the ground. Good men through the ages, trying to find their gun, and I wonda, still I wonda, who'll stop Lorraine.
I went down for Ginia, seekin' shelter from her storm. Caught up in the fable, I watched her power grow. Bobby lays a new trap, wrap her up in chains. And I wonda, still I wonda, who'll stop Lorraine.
Heard the sinners prayin', how they cheered for more. The crowd had rushed together, tryin' to keep warm. Still Lorraine kept poundin', fallin' on my ears. And I wonda, still I wonda, who'll stop Lorraine.
A couple of weeks ago my wife and I spotted some small ants in our kitchen. Over the years we've had a couple of stray ants from time to time. It's never been anything we couldn't handle. Last summer we had an exterminator come in but I don't think he accomplished very much and certainly not anything worth the price we paid. My wife wanted me to call in another exterminator when the ants persisted after several days. In typical "man" attitude, I proclaimed that I would solve the problem.
We don't like the idea of pesticides and unnecessary chemicals in our house, so I researched ways in which to get rid of ants naturally. Leaving out dry grits is a good way - the ants eat the food but when they drink water the grits expand and burst them from the inside out. Not pleasant but your objective is to kill them. Vinegar mixed with water is good to destroy their tracks and also kills ants if they are sprayed directly (vinegar is an acid after all). Armed with these two methods I figured I'd have the problem solved. Corn meal can be substituted for dry grits as it expands the same way.
I laid out some corn meal on the counter where the ants were active. I cleaned the area with some vinegar hoping that would encourage them to lay out new trails and thereby discover the corn meal quicker. After several days - the ant activity didn't let up. I purchased some bait traps for outside the house.
A few days pass and the ants are getting more brazen and basically laughing at me. One night I decided that enough is enough and in the morning I'll have to call in a professional. I was defeated. Before going to bed I saw a group of about 8 to 10 strutting around together. I noted it was odd, but left it at that and went to bed.
The next morning my son and I got up and were going to have breakfast. I saw a couple of ants behind the soap bottle - just peaking out at the edge. I grabbed a paper towel to wipe them up. I moved the soap bottle to get a better line of attack and WHOA - there was a PILE of them between the wall and the soap bottle. It was a solid clump of probably a couple of hundred ants with eggs! I looked next to it and the sanitizer bottle was hiding a similar group. The ants were present only in those two spots but still - it was a lot of them!
I planned my assault - I would use the paper towel to scoop them up and then wash them down the sink. A trusty sponge was at hand as plan B. I swiped at the larger clump only to stir up a heap of trouble - the ants were not happy. There were several hundred ants all frantically running around. I dropped the paper towel in the sink and turned on the water. I grabbed the sponge and started wiping the ants up and dumping them in the sink. I was ruthless - no mercy - I grabbed up every single ant and flipped on the disposal - bye bye anties.
I doused the entire area with vinegar and water afterward and took stock. The ants didn't actually build a structure of any kind - they basically just stacked themselves and their eggs against the wall. The UN estimates the loss of life between 1500 and 2000. I'm expecting trade embargoes any day now.
The good news is that since I wiped out the majority of the colony's workers, eggs, and possibly the queen I haven't seen many of them around. In the first few days following the mass-genocide, there were a few stragglers from time to time - scouts the colony had sent out during peace time no doubt. Imagine their surprise.
For the past four days - ant free. Are they gone or just biding their time?
I'm really mad. I'd say that I'm full of rage. These things piss me off:
1. Political posturing 2. Customer Service people that don't provide service to customers 3. Paying for parking 4. Getting over-charged - for anything 5. The economy 6. Water-boarding - it's fucking torture 7. The cable company 8. Gas prices 9. People that take life too seriously 10. People that take their job too seriously 11. People that take themselves too seriously 12. Narcissism 13. North Korea 14. The State of California 15. Auto companies 15. Credit card companies 16. The banking industry 17. Fundamentalists... of anything 18. Pundits 19. American "News" programming 20. Ignorance 21. Ants 22. Excessive Humidity 23. Car payments 24. eBay/Paypal fees 25. Assholes