Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Life's Too Short To Drink Flat Tonic

The mood strikes me to have a drink - must be lunch time. I get my tumbler out - a particular tumbler as you must be precise with these types of religious activities. goes the the ice as I drop the crystal-clear cubes in. The blessed vodka sits prominently atop my kitchen counter in its place of honor. I add the precise amount called for in the Book of Y - half the glass. Then in goes the smidge, perhaps a pidge, of lime juice (lemon juice if I'm feeling frisky.)

Finally comes the point of my writing this, adding the tonic. I open my fridge and discover that I actually have three separate bottles of Tonic (with Quinine). That was just a reference for you bartenders and drunkards out there.

I pop open the first 2-liter bottle and hear the refreshing sound of pressure releasing. This is a good sign as it means that at some point relatively recently there was some carbonation in this tonic. Unfortunately, I see no bubbles in the water. This is not a good sign. I decide to sample a little to see if this would be good enough. Never, I repeat, never drink tonic without ice and vodka while sober - especially if it's flat. Tonic was meant to mixed with the blessed vodka and the correct amount of ice. Don't skip those. I cap this up and set it aside. Flat though it might be, I might be desparate later.

I find the second bottle. This one is a 1-liter and I believe a bit more recent. I pop the top and discover that it is in fact flat.

Praise God and pass the tonic.


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