Finally comes the point of my writing this, adding the tonic. I open my fridge and discover that I actually have three separate bottles of Tonic (with Quinine). That was just a reference for you bartenders and drunkards out there.
I pop open the first 2-liter bottle and hear the refreshing sound of pressure releasing. This is a good sign as it means that at some point relatively recently there was some carbonation in this tonic. Unfortunately, I see no bubbles in the water. This is not a good sign. I decide to sample a little to see if this would be good enough. Never, I repeat, never drink tonic without ice and vodka while sober - especially if it's flat. Tonic was meant to mixed with the blessed vodka and the correct amount of ice. Don't skip those. I cap this up and set it aside. Flat though it might be, I might be desparate later.
I find the second bottle. This one is a 1-liter and I believe a bit more recent. I pop the top and discover that it is in fact flat.
Praise God and pass the tonic.